Regardless of if you are single out of choice or if you are in between relationships, you can create and enjoy a fulfilling life on your own. In fact, if you are between relationships and want to attract true love, having a fabulous single life is just the thing to do. The mere statement that you are between relationships suggests that you KNOW that the next one is around the corner. Being happy makes you a love magnet – you will attract LOVE into your life. Here are 5 Ps to illustrate ways to be Happily Single. I should know says Malti Bhojwani, Life Coach.
PEOPLE
Build a strong network of people who are there for you, people who care about you and your life.
Often, singles feel lonely and disconnected, which affects their day to day lives. They believe that the only way to get their emotional needs met is through a partner. Yet so many other people in your life can meet many of your needs. The more your needs get met, the less needy and the more attractive you become. Also, the more your needs get met, the less you need a partner. Needing a partner is a sure fire way to never finding one!Expecting a partner, one other human being to fulfill all your needs is also putting too much pressure on the one relationship. We all need to have a group of people who fulfill different needs for us.
Look for clubs, groups or classes around subjects that interest you. Rekindle relationships by reaching out to people already in your life. Friends and relatives are a good place to start. Seek out how you can contribute to their lives, instead of wondering what they can give you.
PLEASURE
Think of the last times you smiled and felt blissful. Think of how good you felt after doing something nurturing and pleasurable.
Many of us singles do without pleasure and self-care and focus all our energy on our work. It is as if we ourselves don’t matter; only our accomplishments do. Some of us tell ourselves that when we find someone, it will all change, so we decide that we will make time for pleasure with that someone, but what about now for ourselves?
Think of adding luxurious, pleasurable things to your day. These don’t have to be huge and expensive, perhaps a short drive, a few minutes reading a book, a nap, a cream or cologne that smells or feels good, a nice meal, listening to your favorite happy song. Mine is “I Can See Clearly Now” by Bob Marley.
Pick three such things that you can do easily by remembering the last few times you felt truly in bliss. Or ask me how to make your very own Pleasure Lists. Some of you who have coached with me would already have a long list.
Try this perspective for size. There are only two emotions that exist – Pleasure and Pain. Every other emotion we feel is a degree or a variation of Pleasure or Pain. When you are not “in pleasure”, you are “in pain” the absence of pleasure is pain. Does not sound so good does it? So, keep this in mind and see how many more hours a day you can be “in pleasure” rather than “in pain.”
POWER OF NOW
Are you still waiting to be in a relationship to live the kind of life you want and to do the things you love to do. Yet your life happens now, today. It is not a dress rehearsal for when you have a relationship. Read Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power Of Now”
When you want to do stuff, but stop yourself because you are single, you are doing a dishonor to yourself. On the other hand, living the life you want now enlivens and energizes you. It gives you a sense of well being and happiness. And living your life now also makes you very attractive! Remember that attraction is present even when it is not visible. Think of a magnet and its ability to draw to itself. Feel truly happy and start magnetizing! Read the late Lynn Grabhorn’s “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting” or Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret” to learn more about how the Law of Attraction truly works
List the things you have not already done only because you have been waiting to do them with your next wife, girlfriend, husband, boyfriend, because you have been “saving” them to do later with the love of your life. I always wanted to ride on a hot-air balloon ideally with the man of my dreams, but the opportunity presented itself to take that soaring flight with a friend instead and I did! It was exhilarating!
List them and pick a few that excite you the most and do them now. Don’t worry about “using them up” you can always do them again when you find that partner.
PUT THE PAST IN THE PAST
We really have to let go of all past hurts and resentments.
Some of us hold on to the past as a way of preventing the same thing from happening in the future.
Others hold on because they don’t know how to let go. Either way, the past drains your vital life energy. We worry that we will continue to have unhappy, unsuccessful relationships. Many believe that they will have to “settle for less” or risk dying single. It is these negative, self-doubting beliefs that attract more of what we don’t want. We will subconsciously attract the “wrong” type of people into our lives to help us act out our self-fulfilling prophecies.
Learn how to let go. Read books, go to workshops and seminars, hire a therapist or a coach. Keep learning new ways to let go of the past, and then apply them to gaining more and more freedom. Trust and believe that only good things and people will come into your life! Be willing to trust and free-fall. What is the absolute worst that could happen? You could meet someone that is not appropriate, but remember that with every wrong person you do meet, you are learning and coming that one step closer to meeting the right one!
PASSION & PURPOSE
Have a purpose for waking up in the morning. Have a vision of your place in the world and what you want to contribute to others.
Rabbi Hillel: “If I am not for myself, then who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?”
Yes we have to be for ourselves, that was what all the other Ps was about, but a life’s purpose is about more than just ourselves. Only when we are giving and enhancing other lives in some way, will we be in line with our purpose and only when we are moving towards living our life’s purpose do we feel fulfilled and truly happy.
Waiting for a relationship to infuse your life with passion and purpose is useless. A loving partner is not a substitute for a meaningful life. Single or attached, your life’s purpose is your own, and will ignite you when you pursue it. You will know you have found it when you feel truly happy every morning.
List things that light you up. What can you talk about for hours without losing steam? Whatever that may be, it is a part of your life purpose. Now get into action, if not now, when?
Happily Single for now,
Malti Bhojwani
Life Coach on Indoindians
